The Inexhaustible Search
my name?.. michelle.. my mission?.. to find out what my mission is.. is it a hopeless endeavor? i believe not!.. for as i engage in my relentless quandary, i have encountered many individuals & situations that divulge bits & pieces of my quest.. i have yet to pin-point my pursuit; but i possess a definitive inkling.. i absolutely know that pleasing our omnipotent Father tops the list.. so does, bringin happiness into someone's life.. discovering my identity wholly is another.. frankly, i've been struggling with the first & third.. do i really know who i am?.. and with that, i come to the topic of freedom.. a college-bound student should be allowed certain freedoms, not being restrained by the initial "umbilical cord".. but as i slowly digress from the restrictions, i find myself lost & left uneased.. i thought that less parent interference will lead to greater happiness.. it's actually the complete opposite.. i discover that w/out their constant supervision, i am more prone to making mistakes & losing my sense of self.. probably it's because my family became my "self".. let me further elaborate.. wherever i am, my family is too.. my decisions become theirs.. my beliefs, desires, & input are structured around theirs w/ several similarities to their own.. they have fashioned me w/ their own humanity.. i am grateful that they did.. they're strong individuals who have been cascaded w/ the world's dilemmas & came out victorious.. unfortunately, i have grown too dependent on them.. i love them too much & refuse to "spread my wings & fly".. i often tell people that the reason why i can't engage in many of the activities is because of my mother.. a great falsity!.. i believe if i had verified my capabilities of being responsible for myself, she would not be so over-protective.. & now, i am literally at the threshold of college, scared, confused, nervous, anxious, excited - all in one..
I'm going to stop procrastinating ... once I get around to it.
- unknown (nor surprisingly)
[[ The Thank List ]]
[x] done with finals
[x] moms and grandmoms
[[ May ]]
Birthdays
[7] francine
[21] Stephanie
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[8] tita san’s 1st death anniversary
[9] span final
[11] Francine’s potluck
[13] rocio’s navy commissioning
[14] rosemary’s bday, MSMC grad (j.duncan, farrah, nancy); USC grad (chloe, hillary, imee, leah, paniz, sia, steve)
[15] nancy & Michael’s engagement bbq
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Da creater
The Inexhaustible Search
my name?.. michelle.. my mission?.. to find out what my mission is.. is it a hopeless endeavor? i believe not!.. for as i engage in my relentless quandary, i have encountered many individuals & situations that divulge bits & pieces of my quest.. i have yet to pin-point my pursuit; but i possess a definitive inkling.. i absolutely know that pleasing our omnipotent Father tops the list.. so does, bringin happiness into someone's life.. discovering my identity wholly is another.. frankly, i've been struggling with the first & third.. do i really know who i am?.. and with that, i come to the topic of freedom.. a college-bound student should be allowed certain freedoms, not being restrained by the initial "umbilical cord".. but as i slowly digress from the restrictions, i find myself lost & left uneased.. i thought that less parent interference will lead to greater happiness.. it's actually the complete opposite.. i discover that w/out their constant supervision, i am more prone to making mistakes & losing my sense of self.. probably it's because my family became my "self".. let me further elaborate.. wherever i am, my family is too.. my decisions become theirs.. my beliefs, desires, & input are structured around theirs w/ several similarities to their own.. they have fashioned me w/ their own humanity.. i am grateful that they did.. they're strong individuals who have been cascaded w/ the world's dilemmas & came out victorious.. unfortunately, i have grown too dependent on them.. i love them too much & refuse to "spread my wings & fly".. i often tell people that the reason why i can't engage in many of the activities is because of my mother.. a great falsity!.. i believe if i had verified my capabilities of being responsible for myself, she would not be so over-protective.. & now, i am literally at the threshold of college, scared, confused, nervous, anxious, excited - all in one..